I have been through some pretty horrible things in my life. Having said that I am sure that there are others who have been through much worse and some who have been through less. This does not change the fact that whatever the bad things are that happen to us, they are the worst things to happen to us. My divorce was a horrible event in my life. But how does that compare to loosing a love one to murder or being involved in tragic events of September 11th. Whose events are the most tragic? I for one cannot really identify with the pain of going through the September 11th experience. I can however relate the experience of going through a divorce in excruciating detail. While this is probably not the worst thing that can happen to someone, it is the worst thing that happened to me. It is my frame of reference for horrible things. I think it is very easy for us to think that we have been through is the worst that anyone can go through. We frame the world though our own experiences. When these things have happened to me in the past it has been very easy for me to cry out to God and yell: “Why me?” “Why now?” What have I done to done to deserve this? This is so unfair!!!!!!
In the last few years God has answered these questions for me. For one I was absolutely right, it isn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that the Father had to give up his son for my sins. It isn’t fair that God has given me grace and forgiveness for all the bad things that I have done in my life.
Matthew 20
The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard
1"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. 2He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
3"About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' 5So they went.
6"He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'
7" 'Because no one has hired us,' they answered.
"He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'
8"When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'
9"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. 10So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'
13"But he answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? 14Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?'
16"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."
I for one am glad that life isn’t fair, that God isn’t fair. I would hate to imagine what would happen if God gave me “everything I deserved”.
The one constant though is that God has been there for me through my pain. Even when I didn’t know him, or didn’t care to know him. He even used my pain to bring him closer to him. He used the fire of pain to refine me into the person I am today.
1 Peter 1
6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,”
I have almost made it to the point where I can actually thank the Father for my trials. This is a huge step for me. I think I am able to deal with the past pains and tribulations. I am not so sure how I will handle future one. I can only pray that God will continue to bless me with grace and mercy.
(all quotations are from NIV at Biblegateway.com)
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