The Irish Way of Conflict Resolution

As previously stated there are two things never discussed in polite Irish Catholic social circles: politics and religion, and there are very good reasons for that. Because nothing else divides people like these to subjects. No two things are held so deeply by people. These things are fused into us as children by our parents and relatives...either positively or negatively. We pick up our values by observing our family, and friends, our beliefs are usually a reflection of someone that we really admired in our youth. For most of us to deny what we believe about these things is to deny our family and our heritage. To imply that I might be wrong about my political or religious beliefs is to imply that my family is wrong, my culture is wrong, and ultimately that everything I believe about the world is wrong.

Some examples in my own life. I grew up in a second/third generation Irish Catholic home. Our family patriarch: Joe Feeney was a hardcore Irish Republican(as in the Republic of Ireland). So it was very common for us to listen to Irish rebel music, you can guess where the discussions of world politics would go. Mr. Feeney was also a very proud WW2 veteran(as he should be). This feed my interest military history. The other significant figure in my life was my Uncle Bob. He and his wife took my mother and I in after her divorce. Now to say Bob was a conservative would be the understatement of the century. The fusion of what these two men believed would turn out to be the framework for my understanding of how the world worked. Underneath it all any attack on my worldview is also an attack on the memory of everything I hold dear. I suspect that if we all look deep down at what we believe, it will have it's roots in our family and dearest memories. Now as we grow up we start to work out things for ourselves. We determine what truth means for us. But try as we might it is hard not to frame our veiw of truth through our past.

For these reasons it is hard not to take offense when someone makes claims that what I believe cannot be: christain, moral, patriotic, Christlike...etc. I suspect that when we take a real look at ourselves that this is probably true for most of us. For this reason we really need to be sensitive to the fact that none of us has all the answers, none of us has it all figured out. There was only one person who had all the answers...and we nailed him to a tree. We can get a good idea of truth from clues that Christ has left us and from the revelation of God. For any of us to lay a claim to ultimate truth is not only foolish and offensive, but dangerous.

I have learned that just because someone disagrees with me that they are not wrong. I have to conceed that fact that this person has thought about what they believe, and they are not a fool. I admit I still struggle with this. When someone says something I disagree with it my first reaction is "well how can they actually think this, do they not kwow the truth". Admit it...we have all done this. i am sure that I have written things that have made some of you think "what a nut....he just doesn't understand the truth". The truth is I am very well educated, I am very intelligent, and I have taken a lot of time to think about what I believe, and I get offended when someone implies that I have not. Of course I have been guilty of making these exact same assumptions about others. I always end up regretting it later. Are you going to change my mind? Am I going to change yours? probably not. Does that mean I'm right? does this mean your right? in the end does it really matter. Is it really that important?

There is a reason that the Irish only discuss these things in the Pub setting. Because in the pub nobody takes anything really seriously. Somehow things said there over a pint just don't seem to offend as much.....becuase it's just that.....something said over a pint.

Anyway the point I am trying to make is that we really need to take care to say what we mean. We need to be careful what we say. We need to lead with our heart, and leave our pride at the door. I don't always have to be right......do you?