Well I have been reading several Blogs this morning and feel compelled to write. The problem is that I am not really sure what to write about. I have doubts about whether there is anyone even reading my blog.....let alone that is of any use to anyone. But it does give a forum in wich to spout my vast quatities of wisdom. (that would be sarcasm boys and girls...or as Jeff likes to call it "the tearing of flesh")
Something that I have been thinking about recently....I really need to connect more with my christian friends. I read about how several of you seem to be in constant interaction with your community and it has awakened a longing in my own heart. I really wished that I had come to Lord in my youth and had grown up surrounded by committed christian friendships. I see the evidence and fruit of the long term friendships around me and realize that I have never had that. I really long for that type of friendship....and yet it is very difficult for me to open up or find people to open up to. Because of the life I have led before I find I still hold people at arms length....I tend to be too judgemental of people that frustrate me.....even though the people that frustrate me the most are the ones I have the most in common with. There are times when even when I am with my homegroup I still feel like a outsider looking in, like I really don't belong there.....like I am just tolerated because "they're Christians...they have to be nice to you". This causes me to push people away.
The thing is..I know this is wrong...I know I have people in my life I can trust. Why are the lies so easy to believe sometimes.
Well I have probably been to open about things here but...I don't know maybe there are some of you out there that have the same feelings....if you do...you are not alone.
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