Grace...

Grace.......why is such a wonderful subject such a difficult one to grasp. I seem to be getting repeated object lessons in grace recently. To top it off in school we are studying the writings of Augustine of Hippo, who seemed to know more about grace then anyone I have read. Apparently the Father seems to think that this is the time for me to learn.

I really struggle with giving my actions over to God...somehow I think I am in control of my life. God keeps reminding me that I am not...yet I keep picking it back up from him. Does this ever get easier? Why is it harder to beat myself up over things I do than it is to give them over to God and ask for forgiveness? Why do I keep having to be reminded to do that?

Why is that in the midst of overwhelming joy...I sink to depair. I supposed that is all part of being human. Well I suppose I will keep praying for help, I supposed I will keep sinning and being forgiven. Why is it so hard to shed the very things that way us down? Why would anyone choose to carry guilt? The worst part is that I know the truth. I know I am forgiven, and yet I still torture myself with it. It does seem that God is working through this with me though ....so perhaps I will have some answers to these questions....or perhaps just more questions from the answers